Emily Racette Virtual Services

Heart 2 Help Circle: Post 22

The Silent Burden: Rejecting the Performance of Strength in Grief

I remember the pressure (in fact, just a month or so after my losses). I was asked to go on a girls day trip. Don't get me wrong - people meant well, asking me to go out, to grab some drinks, or just socialize with friends. Even now, three years later, I still don't want to go out. I am perfectly happy being around my immediate family in the comfort of my own home.

And here is the truth I felt like I had to fight for: That is 100% okay to choose your own path in grief.

Staying home doesn't mean I am failing at grief. It doesn't mean I am clinging to sadness or that I'm holding on too long. My whole world, as I knew it for over 40 years, was ripped apart. If I find peace, contentment, or even joy by staying put, then so be it. If I want to be around only my immediate family, or a few select friends and not socialize, I don't have to!

Let's be clear about this. Walking your own path when you're grieving is not selfish; it is survival. You get to do what helps you the most. You do NOT have to stress yourself out or fake your feelings in an attempt to make someone else comfortable or happy.

Grief is anything but neat and orderly. It's not perfect or polished. It's messy, unpredictable, and it's also entirely human. Sometimes, grief doesn't even look like sadness at all. It shows up as sheer exhaustion, irrational anger, or the simple inability to care. I'm here to tell you - you are not "moody" or "overreacting." You are living through something that has literally reshaped your world, and that takes a HUGE amount of energy.

You don’t owe anyone a perfect version of your pain. You are allowed to cry in the grocery store, cancel plans, or laugh uncontrollably at a memory they would have loved. You need grace and self-compassion, not forced positivity. You are allowed to be 100% honest about how hard this is. That honesty is what you owe yourself, because to be honest about your pain is to honor the depth of your love for the person(s) you lost. You ARE allowed to fall apart.

If you haven't already joined our safe space, we’re waiting for you. Click the link below to join the Heart 2 Help Circle, where your grief is genuinely seen and understood.

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