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Living Alongside Grief

I Don’t Think Loss Is Something You Heal From

Published about 1 month ago • 1 min read

Emily Racette VA & Grief Writer

Living Alongside Grief: Post 32

I don’t think loss is something you heal froM

I’ve heard the word “healing” used a lot when it comes to grief. And I understand why people use it. It sounds hopeful. It sounds like something is moving forward. Like eventually things will feel better or go back to normal in some way.

But if I’m being honest, that word has never really sat right with me. Because when I think of healing, I think of something that eventually returns to how it was before. And loss doesn’t work like that.

The only way I can really explain it is this: It’s more like breaking a bone. At first, the pain is immediate and overwhelming. Everything about it is hard to ignore — the pain, the shock, the way it completely disrupts everything.

And then people show up. You get support. You get help. People bring food, send messages, check in. In a way, that’s like the cast, the crutches, the things that help you get through the initial break.

But eventually… people go back to their lives.

And you’re still left dealing with it. The pain doesn’t just disappear because time has passed. It changes, but it’s still there.

Over time, you learn how to move differently. You adjust. You figure out what you can and can’t do. Maybe you go to physical therapy. Maybe things start to feel more manageable. But even then, you don’t forget what happened. You don’t forget how it felt.

And even years later, something small can bring it all back. You step the wrong way. You feel a shift. And suddenly you remember exactly what it felt like when it first happened.

The break may technically be “healed.” But it’s not the same. There’s scar tissue. Maybe there’s a screw or a plate holding it together.

It’s different now. And in some ways, it’s more vulnerable than it was before.

That’s the part that makes the words “healing from loss” feel off to me. Because devastating loss doesn’t return you to who you were before. It changes you. Not in a way that needs to be turned into something positive. Not in a way that needs to be explained or justified. Just… in a real way.

I don’t think the goal is to “heal” from loss.

I think the reality is that you learn how to live with something that never fully leaves.

If this felt familiar, my emails are where I share more of the in-between parts of grief. Not advice. Not inspiration. Just honest reflections from inside it.

You’re welcome to join me there.

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Living Alongside Grief

Honest reflections on living with grief.

This space holds the writing I’ve created while living with grief. Some of it is reflection. Some of it is naming things people don’t always say out loud. Some of it is simply a place to pause for a moment when everything feels heavier than usual. I write from lived experience — not because I have answers, but because I know what it’s like to keep moving through life after loss, and to want words that feel honest while you do. Disclaimer: The reflections shared here come from lived experience. I am not a licensed therapist, counselor, or medical professional, and this content is not a substitute for professional mental health care, medical advice, or crisis support.

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