The Gift of Grace: How to Navigate Gratitude When You’re Grieving

The world often demands a performance of gratitude especially during the holiday season. We are told to count our blessings, list our abundance, and show up to the holiday with a full heart. But what happens when your heart feels completely broken by loss? What if the abundance you’re supposed to be celebrating only highlights the gaping hole left by this loss?

This is where the idea of toxic gratitude emerges. It's the pressure to force a feeling you simply don't have, which only adds a layer of guilt to your already heavy grief. I know this struggle deeply; the holidays feel like an aching reminder of the people who aren't there.

You need to forget the performance. Your healing does not require you to pretend you are okay. Your only job during the holidays (and everyday for that matter) is to treat yourself with unconditional grace and compassion.

We are aiming for small things, not silver linings. We are not looking for grand thankfulness; we are looking for glimmers. The glimmers are the simple facts of life that still persist: the feeling of warm sun on your face, the quiet strength it took to get out of bed, the gentle hand of a friend. Focusing on these small anchors is not a denial of your pain; it's a quiet, fierce act of self-preservation.

Let yourself be messy. Allow yourself to feel the sadness right there at the table. If you can only muster enough energy to say you're thankful for the cup of tea that warmed your hands, then that is enough. That is your whole truth. That is what grace looks like in the darkest season.